It’s funny. I thought that once I made it past 12 weeks the heavy veil of infertility would lift and everything would be right with the world. Sadly, that was not the case.
Still, at 18 weeks, I find my struggles with infertility creep in daily. Though they present themselves differently now that I am pregnant they are here, real, and cause excessive fears.
Despite the fact that I continue to feel nauseous, deal with awful acid reflux, sleep with braces to help fight pregnancy induced carpel tunnel, and have a noticeable baby bump I still find it difficult to wrap my head around the fact that I am pregnant. The babies are healthy and growing and the only concern my OBGYN has is marginal placenta previa (which should resolve). Still it’s hard to embrace fully because for so long there had been nothing but heartache.
I dream my next ultrasound finds a lack in heartbeats and my babies are gone. As are my hopes, dreams, and the family I have waited for. Anxiety raises before each doctor visit. And as I work on our nursery I feel excitement well up only to find fear push his way in.
Will this ever go away? Is it normal to feel this way with a pregnancy after infertility?