“Gifts wrapped in sandpaper.” I had heard this term years ago and was reminded of it again a few weeks ago. The idea is that many of the experiences that make us who we are came from rough, undesirable times. How you view them can change your life, for the greater or not. This got me thinking about my diagnosis and journey through infertility.
Infertility is isolating, painful, full of mourning, and can literally rip someone apart (emotionally, physically, and spiritually). This has not been untrue for me. The seven year long journey that lead to my miracle babies was more difficult than I could ever explain. But I tried, through sharing my journey with family, friends, and anybody who would listen (or read) my blog. That opening up healed to heal and make my journey a little easier.
Then time came to try again and every fear a bad feeling of isolation came rushing back. And to people on the outside I assume it’s just another attempt. But with it comes a whole encyclopedia of emotion. Something I don’t think people understand unless you go through it yourself. Even at 15 weeks I still find myself questioning how things are going and if this is even real, despite constant morning sickness.
But, I realized something when I was reminded of gifts wrapped in sandpaper…my voice, my experience, and my two (soon to be three) miracles have shaped me in to an amazing, strong women who is willing to speak up for those that suffer silently (much like I did initially). This journey really has been a gift wrapped in sandpaper. And I am better for it!