Monthly Archives: December 2012

Lovenox

If you have ever taken Lovenox then you understand what i am about to say: my belly is on FIRE! That shot burns going in anc for a good 30 minutes after. My belly is bruised and miniature knots dot the surface. Thankfully Sunday is my last shot, regardless of how bloodwork comes back. For that i am thankful!

With that I wish everybody a happy and healthy holiday. I will be taking a break from blogging until after the holidays.

-R

Categories: Frozen Embryo Transfer, lovenox, Lupus Anti Coagulant, Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (MTHFR) | 2 Comments

72 Hours

We have less then 72 hours before results from our first beta come in. I am nervous and scared for a variety of reasons. I wish that I was already off work for the holidays, it’s hard to concentrate and teach when I am obsessing over ever twinge, tug, or lack there of. I cannot POAS sine I had a booster hcg shot this weekend. But it may be just as well, how could I possibly work with results on either end.

Here’s to the dreadful 2 week wait!

-R

Categories: Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility, IVF, Transfer | 4 Comments

Snuggle Up Little Ones

Snuggle up little ones. Find the love waiting for you and settle in.

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Categories: Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility, Procedures, Transfer | 4 Comments

37.5 hours

In 37.5 hours we will be transferring 2 of our frozen embryos. It seems surreal. With a cycle calling for fewer meds and appointments then a fresh cycle I feel like we have missed a step somewhere.

-R

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Kinship

The past month I’ve found myself watching “Giuliana and Bill“.  And usually as I watch, trying to choke back tears, I wonder why it is I subject myself to a show that reminds me of our struggles, our loss, and brings to the surface a range of emotions that I’m not hormonally equipped to deal with.

I don’t know for certain, but I think it’s because I feel an affinity, a kinship, to this couple.  I understand the pain, disappointment, hope, and love that they have shared (this is also true of my friends who have/continue to struggle and those who share their stories via blogs like mine).  It is hard to put into words, but there is a connection weaved through struggle that binds those of us who struggle with infertility.

Their struggles remind me that I am not alone and that I am stronger than I believe myself to be.

Their success gives me hope.

And as odd as this may sound, I was excited to see that they were having a baby.  A couple I never met, who has faced so many struggles, is finally able to hold their dream in arm gives me cause to smile.  It is uncomfortable to see others struggle, and my thoughts and prayers begin to include others who trudge down the same road I am traveling.  So hearing somebody who has been through the muck finally has good news allows a little weight to lift from my heart.  And it doesn’t matter if I know them or not.

What bothers me each and every time I watch the show is how unfair infertility really is.  It does not discriminate, affecting all races and socioeconomic levels.  And while Giuliana and Bill would have the financial means to undergo as many trials as age and science allow, a huge portion of those who need ART are not in a financial place to do so.  Dreams die because money inhibits moving forward.  We were lucky to have family and friends willing to help out financially.  But even so, our credit cards have been hit and our savings depleted.  If this round does not work, I am not sure when we will be able to try again.  It is not fair that this human right has been taken from us, and in an attempt to take it back we have to pay an astronomical price.  There is no haggling, no deals.  Those with the ability to answer our prayers hold the purse strings.  I hope that someday I am able to do something to help others in this position; provide the chance to try to build their families.

I am grateful that Giuliana and Bill have shared their story with the world.  Unfortunately, struggling with infertility is often a silent and isolated struggle.  I know first hand that the more you speak about it the easier (for lack of a better word) it gets.  For bringing awareness to the struggles those of us with infertility face, thank you Giuliana and Bill.  You will forever hold a special place in my heart for bringing this struggle front and center.  Maybe someday, with people like you, me, and all those who speak out, we  can change things so that everybody is given the opportunity to have the family they dream of.

-R

Categories: Emotions, Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility, IVF | 2 Comments

Catch 22

Most days I wake up and find it hard to crawl out of bed.  My energy is zapped even before my feet hit the floor.  Really, my only motivation for getting out of bed is the biological urge to use the restroom.   I pray my thyroid takes to this new dosage of synthroid soon.

On top of being zapped, I’m bloated, retaining water, and starting to find that my nerves are beginning to unfurl.  Every time I think about the possibilities that December 11th could bring I feel my heart flutter with hope only to crash at the memory of disappointment.   I go round and round with myself.   Some moments I’m so excited and convinced that our time is now, while others find me second-guessing the decision to spend so much money on something that isn’t going to work.  I hate putting that “negativity” out in the open for fear that those emotions will manifest into reality.  Yet, in the same breath I am afraid to voice my excitement and hope for fear of pressing my luck.

A Catch 22.  Around I go – hoping, praying, crying, fearing, dreaming.

-R

Categories: Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility, IVF | Leave a comment

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