The past month I’ve found myself watching “Giuliana and Bill“. And usually as I watch, trying to choke back tears, I wonder why it is I subject myself to a show that reminds me of our struggles, our loss, and brings to the surface a range of emotions that I’m not hormonally equipped to deal with.
I don’t know for certain, but I think it’s because I feel an affinity, a kinship, to this couple. I understand the pain, disappointment, hope, and love that they have shared (this is also true of my friends who have/continue to struggle and those who share their stories via blogs like mine). It is hard to put into words, but there is a connection weaved through struggle that binds those of us who struggle with infertility.
Their struggles remind me that I am not alone and that I am stronger than I believe myself to be.
Their success gives me hope.
And as odd as this may sound, I was excited to see that they were having a baby. A couple I never met, who has faced so many struggles, is finally able to hold their dream in arm gives me cause to smile. It is uncomfortable to see others struggle, and my thoughts and prayers begin to include others who trudge down the same road I am traveling. So hearing somebody who has been through the muck finally has good news allows a little weight to lift from my heart. And it doesn’t matter if I know them or not.
What bothers me each and every time I watch the show is how unfair infertility really is. It does not discriminate, affecting all races and socioeconomic levels. And while Giuliana and Bill would have the financial means to undergo as many trials as age and science allow, a huge portion of those who need ART are not in a financial place to do so. Dreams die because money inhibits moving forward. We were lucky to have family and friends willing to help out financially. But even so, our credit cards have been hit and our savings depleted. If this round does not work, I am not sure when we will be able to try again. It is not fair that this human right has been taken from us, and in an attempt to take it back we have to pay an astronomical price. There is no haggling, no deals. Those with the ability to answer our prayers hold the purse strings. I hope that someday I am able to do something to help others in this position; provide the chance to try to build their families.
I am grateful that Giuliana and Bill have shared their story with the world. Unfortunately, struggling with infertility is often a silent and isolated struggle. I know first hand that the more you speak about it the easier (for lack of a better word) it gets. For bringing awareness to the struggles those of us with infertility face, thank you Giuliana and Bill. You will forever hold a special place in my heart for bringing this struggle front and center. Maybe someday, with people like you, me, and all those who speak out, we can change things so that everybody is given the opportunity to have the family they dream of.