Monthly Archives: September 2012

Bundle of Nerves

Thanks to my parents and hubby for keeping me busy this weekend. I am nervous about my hysteroscopy D&C first thing Wednesday morning, and having plenty to do this weekend helped keep my mind busy. But now I sit here watching television and my stomach is knotting up. I am nervous to go through all this again in fear that the results will be the same as in our fresh cycle.

Some days I am so saddened by the fact that we have to go through so much in order to achieve something so many take for granted. I hate that it hurts so much, that it takes so much time and money…not to mention emotional strength or drive (whatever it is that keeps us moving forward).

Once this procedure is completed we will have an answer to the “questionable” ridge in my uterus and a plan too move forward. I received the majority of my medications this week. While not as extensive as in the fresh cycle, impressive just the same.

Praying for a fast few days and an uneventful D&C


Categories: Hysteroscopy with D&C, Infertility, Procedures | Tags: | Leave a comment


As I sat in the RE clinic listening to the nurse go over my medical history, procedural information, and consent forms I was flooded with a an overwhelming number of emotions.  The reality of our loss resurfaced and the inequity of our situation settled in my stomach.  I was angry, and sad, discouraged, and hopeful.  Every step of this process reminds me of the one thing we don’t have – a baby of our own.  And though I am moving forward, I can’t help but struggle with the fact that nothing has been easy in this journey.  It seems once I’ve tackled one battle another looms on the horizon.

My hopes are that the hysteroscopy with  D&C next week, followed by 28 days of intense hormone therapy, will prep my body for 9 months of change.   I felt fine with the decision when we made it, and I will do anything within my means necessary to make this happen, but after my pre-op consults I am finding myself nervous, or fearful, of what could be found.  My track record has not proven smooth.  I keep telling myself this is procedure is more preventative then corrective, but that uncertainty is still there.

So as begin to prep for my surgery, order my medications, and prepare myself for this FET cycle I will likely continue to feel overwhelmed.  But I look towards the possibilities, and that moves me forward each day.  I prayed for the gift of life for my birthday…I will do the same this December for Christmas.


Categories: Donations, Emotions, Hysteroscopy with D&C, Infertility, Procedures | Leave a comment

Quick Update

My hysteroscopic curretage has been rescheduled! In order for everything to fit in before December 20th the RE moved the surgery up one week. This makes things at work difficult but right now I have to do what I need to in order to make this FET happen. If we had to wait until after the new year the FET wouldn’t be possible until March since this procedure on the 3rd needs to happen close to the transfer.

Someone tell me things at work will be fine!


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The Quiet

The past few weeks have been fairly uneventful.  There is a lot of waiting for answers to questions that can’t be addressed until October.  Although I am eager to get this FET started, I realize there is a lot that has to happen next month in order to prep my body for the transfer.  However, when I got an email from my IVF nurse stating that she was uncertain if we would be able to do the FET before the labs close for the holidays my stomach lurched.  I’ve waited long enough to start  my family, and waiting until the end of January for our FET simply adds to the injustice of infertility.

Today I responded to the email and was informed that the labs are closed from December 20 – January 2nd and in order to do the FET before the labs close they have to start my cycle before November 30th.  This may not be possible.  I will wait for another day or two to hear back from the nurse as she works with my RE to come up with a tentative plan in hopes of getting us in before the holidays.  I pray they can work my cycles to make it work.

In all the waiting and prepping I have to remember that there is a scientific method to the all this madness.  My body will have time to build a beautiful lining and I will be in the best possible situation for a successful FET.  The wait will also provide us with a little extra time to come up with the$6000 necessary for meds, acupuncture, and the FET cycle.  Despite knowing all of this, it is hard to wait…and sometimes knowing how long the wait is only makes the quiet just as difficult as the storm.


Categories: Emotions, Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility, Procedures | 2 Comments


The past two weeks have felt like four.  It’s hard to move forward when you don’t have any answers, and the one thing that I prayed would happen eluded me again.

Today was our meeting with the RE regarding our failed IVF and next steps, and hopefully some answers to a few questions.  I had no idea what to expect.

Our RE came in and reviewed our files with us and explained his thoughts on our cycle, concerns, and what is necessary for our next step.  Overall, the RE felt optimistic about our odds feels confident that our biological family is waiting in the cryo tanks.  But in order to get our baby, there are a few more hurdles to overcome.

1.  Improve Quality of Uterus Lining – Although my lining measured at 15.6 at the time of transfer previous tests could possibly point to cause for concern.  So today we started towards our first hurdle by having an ultrasound and reviewing photos taken in May of my uterus.  There was a note of a ridge or pocket in my uterus in May but the RE who did the procedure did not seem concerned.  Today the RE suggested we perform a curettage.  This is a scrapping of the lining in hopes of removing the ridge/pocket and allowing a new stronger, lining to build.  The curettage is scheduled for 10/10/12.  I will then be on estrogen for 21 days to help rebuild a strong, healthy lining.

2. Lupus Anticoagulant Returns – Although the hematologist felt that the Lupus Anticoagulant was not a concern, our RE feels that it very well could still be an issue.  As I posted before, lupus anticoagulant can be difficult to diagnose as its markers in your blood can come and go.  So, we will move forward as if I have lupus anticoagulant and go on Lovenox the day after transfer through 2nd rise in HCG.

3.  Prednisone – This is a corticosteroid and is used in IVF or FETs to help my body accept the embryos.

4. FET – After the curettage and building of my lining we will move forward with a frozen embryo transfer.  My body will be in a better place with no OHSS or the stress from the IVF, my lining will be strong and healthy, and the new protocol of medications will help increase our chances.  We will be able to transfer two embryos close to Christmas.

So, although today (not to mention the past month) was emotional we have regrouped and now have a few potential answers and a plan to help increase our chances.


Categories: Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility, Infertility Testing, IVF, Lupus Anti Coagulant, Methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (MTHFR) | 2 Comments

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