The past few weeks I’ve been floating around in an artificial reality. How is it the fates refused to smile down on me in regards to fertility? The irony of it all is I have built my life around caring for young children and I, as of yet, have been unable to care for a child of my own.
When I talk about my upcoming IVF procedure it doesn’t yet seem real. Never in a million years did I ever think that IVF would be our only answer in building the biological family I dream of. Even during all the IUI treatments I went through years ago did I imagine that I would be in the situation I find myself today.
As I played phone tag with the IVF team at Conceptions of Colorado my artificial reality transformed into uncertainty, looming fear, and overwhelming anxiety. On May 11th my husband and I will spend the better half of one day (a little over 4 hours to be exact) going over the details of my procedure and completing additional diagnostics.
This is quickly becoming very real. My heart is exposed, and I am praying I’ve played all my cards right.
I am apprehensive that through this journey my resolve will crumble for fear that what I want most will never be. I fear that I am putting all this hope, love, and trust into something that will prove futile and that I will never feel the love a mother has for her child.
At my appointment next week I will be undergoing several diagnostic tests to ensure my uterus is ready for pregnancy, blood work to determine I’m healthy and that I don’t have clotting issues, medication training/review, financials, and our timeline.
If you are reading my blog, and have already been through this, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts.