Monthly Archives: November 2012

It’s Official

This morning marked the official start to our FET cycle.  Baseline blood work (including a complete blood count) and ultrasound began my day.  My lining was nice and thin, my estradoil at 13, and my ovaries silent.  All news that provided relief, because despite how frequently I go through these “baseline tests” I always get nervous.

Tonight I find myself in emotional limbo.  I am neither happy nor sad that this FET cycle has begun.  I find that, like before my fresh cycle, I find myself feeling a little flat.  It’s difficult to put together the words capable of explaining how I feel.  Underneath my anxiety, excitement, and happiness is a lot of fear.  Our fresh cycle brought good news that ended in something I never truly believed would happen…that pain still lingers and encourages more fear than I had in our previous cycle.  Every emotion that I had in our fresh cycle has resurfaced tenfold.

I am hopeful that our preparations will lead to a family, but I was before.  So in order to cope, to make it through the day, I think my brain has sort of  “turned off” the reality of what is happening.  The fact that we have to take this road continues to feel like a distant dream and less like an all too present reality.

With hope and fear in my heart, we move forward and place our possibilities in the capable hands of the RE and his team.  I pray that come Christmas I will have the gift I’ve waited for since I was a young girl.

-R

 

Categories: Emotions, Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility | 2 Comments

It’s Happening Again

It’s happening again.

The crazy schedule, insane amounts of hormones, injections, worry, sleepless nights, hiding from fear, hiding from hope.

We are moving forward with an FET.  And with this move, the insanity follows.  Sadly, I won’t have the time off work that I had this summer to work around appointments, so my schedule will need to be flexed a bit.  However, I am grateful that the FET will not be as extensive  as a fresh IVF cycle.  The following is a calendar of whats in store for the next few weeks:

So, here we go again.  I pray that the changes we’ve made to improve our chances lead us to a beautiful family.

-R

Categories: Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility | 1 Comment

It Is Okay to Cry

The past few weeks have been a challenge…and more so the past few days.

Sometimes something as trivial as a stomach bug can bring you to your knees; particularly when it comes on the heals of a month of  hormone replacement and a phone call from the RE’s office saying they had bad news.  Wednesday night brought trick-or-treaters and then night sweats, nausea, and vomiting (the nausea continues as I type, 6 days later, though to a lesser degree).   Then Friday afternoon I received a call from my RE’s office stating that they had bad news and we wouldn’t be able to get in for our FET before the close of the embryology lab in December.

WHAT?

I told the nurse that there had to be a mistake because we changed surgery dates and medication protocols to ensure the transfer would be complete before the end of the year AND would be completed by my RE (not one of the others who work in the office).  She told me she would double check with the RE and call back on Monday.

So on top of untouchable nausea (nothing seems to help), I was anxious about the fact that our “perfectly planned” cycle was a possible no-go.  What would this mean for our chances?

Early Saturday morning I woke to a wicked sore throat; partnering with my nausea.  I cried many times this weekend, mostly because I didn’t know what else to do.   I felt, and continue to feel, week, lost, confused, confined, afraid.  I question how I’ll make it through all of this.  My body, mind, and heart are tired.  I fear the worst, and hope for the best.  And on top of all this personal turmoil, work has me stretched in a million directions.

With my husband in Texas for work, I was dreading the phone call from my RE’s office on Monday.  Simply for fear that what was reported on Friday would remain true.  But my fears were for not, as the call on Monday provided me with a tentative transfer date and a plan to move forward.  Relief has settled and now comes a whirlwind of appointments, medications, and finally the transfer I’ve waited for since having our miscarriage.  I pray this time all our preparations will yield the results I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl.

The next 4 weeks will be a challenge, my emotions will likely get the best of me.  But I’ve learned that it is okay to cry.  And without doubt, I will.

-R

Categories: Emotions, Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility | Leave a comment

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