I Hope I Haven’t Lost You

It’s been nearly 2 1/2 months since my last post. A month off was my initial plan, but sometimes life throws you a curveball and your plans change.

The past 7.5 years have been spent focusing on a seemingly unachievable goal. That focus brought with it pain, heartache, and many unanswered prayers. This past year we thought we found our answer through IVF only to experience a devastating loss. Procedures and medications took precedence.

December brought with it another chance at making our dreams of having a family a reality. I went into our FET with high hopes but a lot of uncertainty. After such a devastating fresh cycle in August my heart wasn’t fully ready to invest in the dream for fear the same path was in front of us. I was excited but didn’t really believe the outcome would be better then the one in August. I think that subconsciously I was protecting myself from pending heartache.

The days after my transfer were a LOT different then after my fresh transfer. I wasn’t uncomfortable, no cramps or bloating. I also couldn’t “feel” much of anything that could have been considered implantation. Sure, a few twinges here or there but nothing like I felt in August.

The wait for my first beta hcg was awful. I couldn’t home test because we did booster hcg shots and any home test would show up positive. Our first beta was a few days before Christmas and I was so scared of negative results and a ruined Christmas. But my fears were for not and my first beta cave back at 183! Three days later we were at 732 and our first ultrasound was scheduled.

At seven weeks we found out we were having twins. At 9 weeks a little fear of loosing them subsided. And by 12 weeks the realization that they are healthy finally sunk in. We are 14 weeks today. I have battled (and continue to do so) my share of nausea, heartburn, metallic mouth, sore boobs, water retention, and vomiting. But my little miracles are healthy and I take things day to day.

Excessive sleepiness takes hold around 8-8:30…which happens to be now. My pillow calls.


Categories: Frozen Embryo Transfer, Infertility, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “I Hope I Haven’t Lost You

  1. JM

    I have such a similar story. our first cycle ended in a missed miscarriage. And this week I am about to meet my dr. to discuss our FET cycle. Im excited and scared, but really hoping our story turns out like yours. Your story seems like the one I have been waiting to find. I have been trying to find hope, and you have given this to me. thank you so much.

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